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Rest In Peace Harambe-0

Rest In Peace Harambe.

General info[]

This is a satirical timeline and it will mostly focus on getting a laugh or two out of the reader.


  • Time- 4:00 pm EDT
  • Date- May 28, 2016
  • Location- Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden
  • Coordinates- 39.144684°N 84.510079°W

Harambe is everyone's favorite gorilla. He faced an untimely death at the hands of zookeepers (possibly planned by George W. Bush as he also 'did' 9/11 to) because he simply wanted to protect a child that fell into his enclosure.

This timeline will explore a different result. The child was able to be rescued, although Harambe was still shot, but he did not die, rather, he was shot in the penis, which he stuck back on with Gorilla Glue.


Harambe (/həˈrɑːmbeɪ/ hə-rahm-bay) was born at the Gladys Porter Zoo in Brownsville, Texas, on May 27, 1999. His name, is a Swahili term for communal labour. He was eager for a new and exciting place to live, so they moved him to Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden on September 18, 2014, to learn adult gorilla behavior and join a new social group.

The event[]

A 3 year old boy clambered into his gorilla enclosure at the Zoo and was saved from drowning by Harambe on May 28, 2016. The gorilla the huged and kissed the kid. Fearing for the boy's life, a terrified zoo worker took a shot Harambe and missed. Ordered by the CIA, a ruthless hitman almost simultaneously shot at Harambe, hitting him directly in the groin and thus eunuching Harambe. This caused massive pain to the gorilla, which made him drop the boy and disoriented him for long enough that the zookeepers save the child. The incident was recorded on video and received broad international coverage and commentary, including controversy over the attempt to kill Harambe. A number of primatologists and conservationists wrote later that the zoo had no other choice under the circumstances, and that it highlighted the danger of zoo animals in close proximity to humans and the need for better standards of care.

Harambe quickly found a tub of Gorilla Glue is a staff locker room and stuck it back on, thus un-eunuched himself!

The incident was recorded on video and received broad international coverage and commentary, including controversy over the choice to kill Harambe, that ultimately went wrong due too unforeseen circumstances.

The Zoo animals' reactions[]

The baboons went on hunger strike for a week and threw their dung at passing tourists the day after.

TV interviews[]

Chat show hosing[]



Internet memes[]

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